Settling in...sort of

Well, we are home and getting used to being a family of four...sort of. Gus is in love with Hildy...He adores her and is an amazing big brother. His favourite thing is to sing to her and she dances...well jumps up and down in a jerky kind of way as I hold her up...He cuddled in with her in our bed on her first night home to read her stories... He picked the Todd Parr "Family Book" which talks about all the different kinds of familes. When he got to the adoption page, he turned to her and said, "See, Hildy...that panda is adopted just like you...and me!!". Yes, I cried.
On Monday, Gus asked if I would bring Hildy for show and tell at school. He proudly marched in there introducing her to everyone we passed, then got up to the front of the classroom and said, "Good morning boys and girls. This is my new baby sister all the way from China!!!". He had the biggest grin on his face. Then he asked all his classmates to quietly sing their ABCs to her so she would dance. So there I am at the front of his class holding up my new baby with approximately 6 minutes of sleep in 4 days, my body feels like it is midnight and there are 24 grade one kidlets singing ABCs in hushed voices to us... A moment to cherish. I looked up and all the moms were at the back of the room crying. Then, his teacher, the wonderful Mrs. Cowley announces the class has made Hildy a book. Each student in the class wrote and colored one page that they have laminated into a book. They each picked their favourite thing to do in Canada and wrote about it to introduce her to Canada. Ok, I SO would have been crying if 24 little pairs of eyes had not been glued to me. What a lucky family we are to have so much support and love around us.
As for Hildy, she is sleeping ok. She is stuggling with the time change but is coming around. She still freaks out at night...up for three hours crying lasat night but went to bed better tonight so we'll see how the night goes. She is up to 4 - 5 six ounce bottles per day but won't let me put a spoon anywhere near her mouth. If I do manage to get some rice cereal in she either gags, vomits or cries and the liquid just oozes out. She has no idea that it is food ans she should swallow it. It is very obvious that she has never been fed anything but a bottle before. I am going to contact the Child Development Centre and my pediatrician to see what we should do in terms of her eating and stage of develpoment...we'll see what they say. I had to buy her some clothes today as nothing i had fits... I ended up buying her 3 - 6 month clothes... she is so tiny..Otherwise, I am so glad to be home. Thank you to each and every one of you for your love and support. When I was 5 thousand miles from home and feeling lost, your words of encouragement and love went a long way. I appreciate every comment and every email. This kind of a journey is not possible without support from family and friends and for that, I thank you.

WE'RE HOME!!!

Last full Day in China!!!

Well, we have had our last full day in China. Hildy had a pretty good night last night. She went down instantly at 7pm then was a little fussy around 11pm so ended up sleeping with me. She likes to be wedged in tight between three pillows forming a "U" shape with her two pink blankets around her middle...just covering the right side of her head but not covering her legs. I was watching her sleep a little before I went to bed and she was dreaming. During those first few days, she would thrash around and cry during her dreams. Last night, her fingers and toes were all moving around and she was smiling in her sleep...definitely a change for the better! She woke up with smiles and a giggle this morning.We got up and headed downstairs for breakfast. I have been wearing the same clothes for the past two weeks and had saved a clean, brand new shirt for today so I wouldn't feel quite so "traveled". I got dressed, we sat down for breakfast amidst stares(as per usual) and while everyone was still watching us, Hildy promptly tucked her head in nice and tight to my chest and barfed up the bottle that she had just finished into my shirt. Ahhh so much for clean laundry. After a quick shirt change we ended up having a long chat over breakfast with some people we met from Australia that were quite taken by our adoption story, then got into the cab and went to the Silk market...another gong show. People calling out to you every step you take, "Hey, Lady you want some silk/shirt/jacket/CDs/you name it..." to come and buy their wares, haggling for everything right down to the last yen; it is exhausting. We got a few last things then headed to Tiannamen square. We got there, wandered around a bit then just came right back to the hotel to pack. It was not really what we were expecting... it is huge but there is a really busy road between the square and the mausoleum,didn't expect that. You can't really walk up to it...you have to go around barricades, cross 8 lanes of traffic etc. I know it has a lot of history and is significant in the story of Mao, etc but it really just looked like a giant cement parking lot. Oh well, at least there were no crazy rickshaw incidents today... all very calm (minus the early morning barfing, of course). Smoggy but calm. No one grabbed me or Hildy today or stared and created a mosh pit around us so all in all a good outing. We came back to the hotel to meet our driver then Tom and I and Hildy went to the embassy. That was cool. We got to go inside...passport check, security clearance and all...got a visitor's badge...felt very diplomatic... all we did was go a few flights of stairs up to pick up papers for immigration but i still thought it was cool to be let inside. So, we came back, then got picked up for dinner. Really good dinner...didn't recognize anything i was eating...I decided to just eat it and not ask any questions. It was all really good. Could have been donkey or ox or some other creature but I was hungry, our "guide" didn't speak English and it was our last dinner here so I thought I would live dangerously...I'll let you know how that turns out.
I have pretty much finished packing. Dad is taking a few things home for me as I have run out of room in my bags... In some ways it feels like we have been in China for months not 2 weeks and in some ways, it feels like the trip just whipped by. We have seen so much, learned so much about this country and the many people we have met along the way. I am so glad we spent the time here that we did to get to know Hildy's country of birth. It is a place of huge change and much contrasts from the Beijing hutongs to the 50 story Shanghai skyscrapers. We have seen $46, 000 watches for sale in the trendy shops of Shanghai and we have seen deplorable living conditions in the outskirts of Wuhan that made me cry and that have been burned into my memory forever. We have about a million pictures and just as many stories to share once we get home. Mom, your ears are going to be red from all the stories I am sure dad has saved up for you for the next year or so. And when he's done, I have a few too. Thanks for sharing along in our journey... see you in Vancouver.
Lots of love, T, Hildy and the big guy (who incidentally informed me he is ready to go home... He just ate his last granola bar...)

Beijing - the Forbidden City

Family from home tells me there was a significant earthquake in Southern Qinghai. Didn't feel it or hear about it...mind you, the news is all in Chinese so maybe people are talking about it! Just got back from the Forbidden City. They really should call it Forbidden City with a Million Freakin' People and no Exits. We were trapped in there with everyone in China and couldn't bloody find a way out. Everywhere you turn more tour groups in red hats and about a million old ladies that run up to us, pull on the babies and babble at us in Chinese...then we finally found a way out (and I'm talking after a good hour of searching and walking about 10 k) and we got absolutely attacked by rickshaw drivers...they swarmed us and we literally had to run down the street away from them. Picture me with Hildy strapped to my front, Heather with Norah strapped to her front, Tom and Dad with giant diaper bags all running down the street being followed in hot pursuit by about 10 rickshaw dudes running after us....dad hailed a cab, we all jumped in and escaped with barely the diapers....It was CRAZY! We got back to the hotel, ordered pizza (best thing on the menu) and enjoyed our luke warm cokes... they may have invented gunpowder but refrigerated drinks have not yet been discovered. We are all absolutely beyond exhausted and ready to come home...except maybe the babies...they still have not yet figured out what has happened to their worlds. One more full day here (silk shopping in the am and Embassy /celebration dinner in the pm) and then pack, drive through the insanity known as Beijing traffic (hopefully we can elude the rickshaw drivers) and then onto Air Canada. I am SO looking forward to touching down in Canada, seeing everyone and being in a place that I understand and can function independently in. I am not used to being so dependent on translators, drivers, guides, etc. Almost done with paperwork... Ok, Hildy is down for a nap so I am going to join her, must rest before I collapse!

Lots of love, T and H and dad (aka the Canadian guy who has met everyone in the hotel...I'm not exaggerating)

The Great Wall!

Well, we got up at 5am again today... it seems to be a pattern with little miss. One thing that the time change will take care of once we get back home... She slept ok..still a few night freak outs but she is able to calm herself now. i woke her up fully at 1am to feed her...she sucked back a whole bottle then and again at 5 am. She is eating more now...4 bottles per day and about 6 oz. per bottle. I am making them full strength now and she is able to keep them down so that is a good sign. We went to the international clinic today to have a Canadian doctor look over the girls. It was a really cool place. Doctors from all over the world so that visitors or foreigners living in Beijing could see a doctor that speaks their own language and get medications they are familiar with. Our doctor was a woman originally from Montreal who has been living in Beijing for 13 years. She gave Hildy a once over and had her do little tests to see about her strength and development. She wrote up her report which we then delivered to the Canadian Embassy. It was weird, I was looking forward to going in to the Embassy but no such luck. Our driver phoned ahead and someone came out to meet us... I guess a little easier for them in terms of security for someone to come out rather than 4 adults and 2 babies come in. Anyway, we gave them all our paperwork that we have been compiling since we got here plus passports and pictures etc etc etc. We have to go back on Thursday to pick up some other official document that we need for the girls when we land in Canada on Friday. So, we came back to the hotel and had a ridiculously good lunch at the hotel...buffet... lots of delicious Chinese food...everyone else had Western food but i have been really enjoying the Chinese food. The pastry chef here at the hotel is Parisian so I will have the French pastries with breakfast and lunch but I still have my noodles, rice and dim sum too. Off combinations but so good. Needless to say even with all the walking we have been doing, we are all a little chubbier thanks to the Novotel Peace Beijing...

After lunch, Tom, Heather and Norah decided to stay at the hotel. Norah has bronchitis (and is now on antibiotics) and Tom and Heather are both a little under the weather so dad, Hildy and I ventured out alone. We took a cab across town (I use the term town loosely...the is a bloody huge city) and found a little shop I read about and really wanted to visit while we are here...it is called the Shard Box. They make little jewelery boxes with shardof pottery that were recovered from the smashed pots and plates during the cultural revolution. They are beautiful little boxes and the little fellow that runs the shop(since 1984) was so happy to have visitors from Canada..he and dad talked for quite a while while Hildy and i picked a few things out. Then, we hopped in another cab and went two districts over to the Lama temple. That was very cool...burned some insence and wandered through the place...it is a huge temple with monks here and there...They have a 13 m tall buddha statue carved from a single sandlewood tree...huge and quite magnificent. We stayed until we got kicked out at closing, then wandered around the surrounding area a bit before coming back to the hotel. We wanted to go into a hutong but chickened out... it looks a little intimidating...if we have time maybe we will go to a more popular one that sees more tourists... Anyway, we were both still full from lunch so I came back to my room to play with Hildy and he stayed for a bit then went to his room to "read the paper" which I know is secretly code for falling into bed. We are going to Tiannamen tomorrow and the Forbidden city. Thursday morning we will probably go to the summer palace, although Heather wants to go to a silk factory. Then we go to the embassy and a final dinner. Friday we get up, pack and head to the airport for the 12 hour flight.... still trying not to think too much about that... hopefully Hildy's runny nose etc. is done by then... Ok, will send some pictures, then I will go "read the paper".

Lots of love, Tammi and little not so grumpy but still unsure Hildy

Beijing - Day 3

Hi, Sorry I haven't written for a couple of days. It has been a bit rough lately. Hildy has figured out that these changes around her are permanent and she has not been very happy. Since we were on the plane from Wuhan, there has been a lot of crying and she has been very unsettled. She is ok during the day as we are busy and she likes being in the baby carrier, nice and warm, and held tightly. At night, she cries a mournful cry and will not stop. The night before last she basically cried on and off all night. It is heart breaking that I try to console her and she just pushes me away. She falls asleep but then has these little fits where her arms and legs are flailing and she is just crying her eyes out. She arches her back and pulls away and continues to grieve for her losses. Last night was a little better. She will not go into her playpen here that the hotel has provided. It is very different than the crib she is used to and just will not go into it. I held her and put her in the bed right beside me last night tucked in close to my body and held her with my arm and she slept. i think she slept from 8 - 4. She woke at 4, had a bottle and then slept fitfully on and off until 5:30 so we just got up and started our day. We had a bath together...she will put up with the water now...she definately doesn't like it but at least she doesn't scream anymore. Yeah...take each little positive. I am trying very hard to just take it one day at a time knowing that she will get better, will get used to me and will eventually be happy and feel safe again. That probably won't happen until we are home as there are so many changes between now and then.. We shall see. We were supposed to go to the Great Wall yesterday but it was raining so our guide postponed the trip until today. So yesterday we went to the Hong Qiao Market. They sell everything from electronics to pearls, jade, china, porcelin, silk...It is very overwhelming. People are shouting and trying to get your business. People are everywhere. We all got a few things...no one in the group likes haggling so we aren't buying very much. I bought a few things for Hildy to have from her home country as she gets older.... I thinkdad cried a little when I bought a beaded, blue silk clutch for her wedding day. He put a few yuan in it for luck. While we were there we caused quite a stir as always. Lots of people stopped us and tried to talk to us. We showed them the information card that explain we adopted the girls, that they were abandoned. Lots of smiles and thumbs up. We met a couple of 20 something girls were we bought some jade. They had lots of questions about the girls and about their life in Canada..would they still be Chinese, would they ever move back to China, would they speak Chinese. As we were leaving their shop, the girl held Norah's hand and said, "Lucky baby. In China, they treat boys like princes and girls like dogs". That brought tears to my eyes. How many other girls in this country feel this way about their situation?

We came back to the hotel for a couple of hours for the babies to have some play time then we went for a walk down Wangfujing Street, the premier shopping street in Beijing. There was lots to see...all kinds of brand name stores as well as silk, jade, toys, tea, etc. We wandered down the alley where they have "street food". you can buy anything you can imagine to eat...literally. We saw rice being sold from a wagon; people would come up with their stainless steel bowls and fill up, candied crab apples on a stick, skewers of pig hearts for bbqing. Skewers of giant beetles and live scorpions !! That's when dad turned around...he had seen enough and wanted to get back to the safety of things known... So we came back to the hotel for dinner and then bath and bed for the babies.

Beijing - Day 1

It's 7:30pm here. Flight was not good for Hildy... she cried the whole way. She has been throwing up her bottles quite a bit so not sure what is going on...making the bottles weaker and will talk to the Dr. on Tuesday. She has pooped twice so that is becoming less of a problem. She is very upset... the flight plus one hour van ride to get from the airport to our hotel here was not pleasant for her. The flight home is not looking good. We are just hanging out in the hotel...had dinner,it is very "western" here. Very different form Wuhan. In Wuhan we were the only white people in the whole city. Kathy told us that most of the people that swarmed us at the market yesterday had never seen a white person before. Here, we counted 11 white people in the first ten minutes off the plane. Met a really nice couple with a 1 year old son who teach here. They have lived in Beijing for two years. They teach at the international school. Our hotel is a 15 minute walk to the Forbiddencity. My room overlooks a hutong... interesting. We are meeting Mr. Yang at 8:45 tomorrow morning to go the the Great Wall. Dad is very excited, we all are! Heather and I were glad to leave Wuhan where we got accosted every time we left the hotel and Tom is excited because the beef is safe to eat here so he had a hamburger for dinner. No more donkey for him! Dad is down at the pool so he is happy. Hildy has just fallen asleep so I am going to unpack,get settled in and have a bath. Hopefully the water here smells better. I am sick of smelling like potatoes/dirty feet. So far the pollution here doesn't seem as bad as Wuhan, we'll see tomorrow. I am feeling very tired, will chat again tomorrow when I have more energy. That flight really did us all in. Less than a week until we are all home!

Wuhan Day 6

Hi, Our guide had to go to the notary for us this morning and pick up documents etc and she said we didn't have to go so why don't we check out the Farmer'sMarket just down the road from our hotel...we wouldn't have to cross the street (ie: no imminent threat of death) easy to find so why not. In my head I am thinking the fresh open air farmer's markets of home...yes, I would love to go! So, we wander down the street, dad is almost killed by mopeds twice, I am almost speared by a guy on a bicycle carrying giant strips of metal something-or-other, Tom is almost run down by a van (yes, we were on the sidewalk for all of this action). Then we get to the "market"...It is three city blocks of hundreds of vendors crammed into a warehouse. There were stalls of vegetables of all kinds, live fish, turtles and chickens, meat being cleaved into chunks, you name it, they were selling it. We got into the middle of all of this and then a little old lady discovered we had Chinese babies...a crowd gathered around us about 5 people deep...it got a little crazy. All the little old ladies (most with no teeth) want to touch the babies, ask us a million questions (of course in Chinese) and call all their friends over. We had a card printed up that explained the girls were orphans, we had adopted them and were taking them home to live in Canada. I gave it to one old man, he read it and then shouted it out for all to hear...then an even bigger crowd gathered...we smiled but politely pushed through the crowd of smiles and thumbs up to get to a door...not before almost slipping on fish and other assorted items for sale. a little girl followed us through the whole market and smiled up at us... it was quite the show... We escaped down a side street (much to the stares of locals) and wound our way back to our hotel. Whew... that is the last time we venture out by foot in Wuhan. We cause quite a stir wherever we go. We are going to hide out in our hotel until Kathy comes to pick us up at 2 to go back to the civil affairs office to pick up the girls' passports and final documentation that says they are ours. WE will then start filling out the paperwork for the Embassy in Beijing, go out for a celebration dinner here then return to the hotel to pack for tomorrow's flight to Beijing. We asked Kathy if she would bring her husband and son out to dinner with us tonight. Her son is Gus's age...i really hope to meet him. Her husband is a college professor...dad would LOVE chatting to him! (That would give Kathy's poor ears a break)..Little miss got a little freaked out in the market so we came back, she had a diaper change a little play and then fell asleep mid-play in the middle of my bed... I must remember that this big city is new to her too...she has spent her whole life in a tiny little village so the constant traffic, beeping, construction, yelling etc is all overwhelming for her too. Well,must go and try to wash the smell of the market out of my hair... I don't think dad is going to eat any more chicken for the rest of the trip..... Oh how i long for the smell of the perfume department of the Bay Downtown.... I am such a lightweight. Love to you all,

Tammi, the peanut, and Papa

Wuhan Day 5

Well, got up this morning and went for breakfast amongst stares and smiles. People, especially older people, seem to be happy to see us with the babies...they give us the thumbs up sign and say, "lucky baby". Get some stares from younger people and always wonder what they are thinking when they see us with the girls. Anyway, went to the Buddhist temple across town this morning. Took a tunnel under the Yangtze river...that was cool...how often can you say, "Yeah, i was under the Yangtze river this morning, how about you?" ha ha. Went through traffic for about 40 minutes to get there...if traffic could be more insane today than yesterday, then it was. I don't understand how anyone could get behind the wheel twice in this town...one try would be enough for me! Went by this huge market...stuff everywhere,people everywhere...absolute insanity...Anyway, got to the temple and wandered around looking at things. Got lots of attention from little old ladies that came up to touch the babies and smile at us. Some would try to talk to us, some would just give us the thumbs up sign. Overall a very positive response to us having the babies... Of course we get stated at but that is ok now... got used to it. When we went through this one section of the temple, there were a bunch of little old ladies in blue robes. They stopped us and asked us who we were and our guide Kathy told them we had adopted the girls, that they had been abandoned and that we were from Canada. They got all excited, pulled up chairs for us, poked at each of the babies, smiled and chatted away with us, then they went and got peanuts that had been blessed by the monks and put them in each of the girls' hands, (symbolic offering to always be blessed with abundance) then performed a blessing together for each of the girls. They were so gracious and excited about us... It was a very cool experience... so the girls have officially been blessed.. Felt pretty good about that.
From there we went on to the Hubei Provincial Museum to see some lacquer artifacts that were over 1500 years old and the contents of a tomb that was excavated in Hubei and contained artifacts, etc that were over 2000 years old!!! Very cool to be standing beside things that were carved that long ago...mind boggling,really. Dad enjoyed that... glad to be able to do that for him.
Anyway, the girls are doing well. Hildy has her moments when she is very quiet and sad but then comes out of her shell, laughs and plays. Today I was singing while she was playing on the bed so i could clean up a little and i looked over and she was dancing with a big smile on her face. Priceless . She loves to be held, to be propped up on the pillows and played with and to have me hold her hands so she can stand up. She is very wobbly but she loves doing it!
Norah is still struggling a liitle. She prefers to be with heather but will now let Tom hold her. She seems to be struggling also with a little cold so that is making things a little tricky too. Through it all, Tom and Heather have big smiles on their faces. Tired smiles, but full of love. Heather and I were sitting in the back of our crazy little van while our driver was weaving in and out of traffic, horns blaring, people yelling, smog swirling around us and we were just holding our girls and taking it all in...we looked at each other and knew exactly what the other was thinking: we made it. Through all the struggles, heartache and waiting, here we were, in the middle of chaos somewhere in Hubei province, holding our sleeping little girls... Looking into Hildy's big, dark eyes and hearing her little butterfly voice erases the four years it took to get to her.. Today was a good day.

Wuhan Day 4 - Another Crazy Day!

We had a pretty good first night together. Hildy woke up at 11 for a bottle and then again at 5:45am. She was a little freaked out when she woke up but calmed down pretty quickly with some cuddles and a bottle. She drank a whole bottle this morning...she was hungry. We tried having a bath but she did NOT go for that... combination of being naked and the prospect of water..the bath was a no go. She loves to be bundled up and sweaty... All the babies in China have so many layers of clothes on them they look like the little brother from A Christmas Story. We get looks if we are out and about with the babies and they don't have at least 4 layers on, one a giant puffy coat. No skin can be showing... Anyway, after the non-bath wipe down we got dressed up and headed to the Civil Affairs Office for the province of Hubei. I went in and was interviewed about me and Horst, about our jobs, our levels of education, our reason for choosing China to adopt from, our plans for our daughter's future education. I was more than a little nervous... I signed another round of documents, had my piicture taken, stamped my fingerprint on each signature and then Hildy signed the document via a red food stamp! She didn't seem to mind as long as we didn't take her finger out of her mouth...
After we went to the bank to change our orphanage donation from US$ to RMB. That was the most insane experience... we had to get past a security guard to get into the money exchange area, there were little kiosks each with a teller behind glass with a microphone/speaker system. there were people everywhere, each teller was practically yelling through the microphone, every time a client came into the bank, a huge bell rang, people were shouting into cell phones, talkingto each other...Then the teller was asking us a bunch of questions, scrutinized my passport for 5 minutes, scanned it, then she took each bill from me, put it through a counterfeit scanner three times, then counted it, recounted it, entered it all into a computer, I think you get the picture. We went in to exchange and it took easily 45 minutes. Somewhere during that time a "street man" came in waving a newspaper and ran up to an American man behing me and was yelling at him and pointing at the paper... Security freaked out and ran after him and took him out the front...didn't see what happened to him... Needless to say, i was VERY glad to get out of there and get back into our van to be driven back to the hotel. Except of course for the traffic. There really are no lanes, no rules, cars,vans, bikes, pedestrians motobikes, mopeds, buses you name it, all trying to get past each other with about a cm to spare.
After we got back we decided to cancel our planned trip to Qichun tomorrow. We were going to go to the orphanage but it is 2 hours away, no car seats, no seatbelts, babies that don't even know us yet... So instead we are going to go to a Buddhist temple in the morning and if we are up for it to the Wuhan museum in the afternoon. Hildy is starting to come out of her shell just a little...we were treated to some smiles, a giggle or two and lots of playing this afternoon. She loves to lay on the bed and play with her feet, make all kinds of funny noises with her mouth and she is discovering that toys can be fun too. She loves to be carried and I love holding her so we spent a lot of time today just snuggling... its a pretty good gig. Papa is enjoying his role as babysitter and assistant to baths and eating. Hildy just sits and stares at him. She reached up and stroked his beard this afternoon...She is not afraid of him...just checking him out. They look pretty cute together. She is so tiny. She was tired tonight. I just wrapped her in a blanket, put her in her crib and put two more blankets on top of her, she cooed twice, turned over and went to sleep.... I think I will do the same... good night.

Our Daughter!!!!

How do I even begin to describe this day? Got up at 3:30... nervous until we left for the Civil Affairs Office at 9:30...waited in quiet polished-florr calm until the babies arrived and then the craziness started: tears, babies, nannies, directors, more tears (mostly mine) and a haze of papers to sign (through tears..all mine). Zi Jie was very calm, very quiet. She came to me easily and cuddled right in. There were tears but quiet and reserved tears... she is like a little butterfly. She is tiny...her hands and feet are the same size as Gus's from when he was 2 months old. She studies my face and tentatively touches my hair with gentle, delicate hands. We came back from the office and had time to just stare at each other and try to figure out what to do next. She drank all of 2 ounces and then fell asleep on my chest. After more tears (mine) she woke up, cried a little herself and then we played on the bed, cuddled, played on the floor, cuddled, cried (me), cried (her), then I got my first smile and the hint of a giggle...she is very ticklish. Went down to the hotel restaurant for dinner and got a taste of what it wll be like out on the street... we are quite the spectacle. Norah, Heather and tom's baby, is much bigger than Hildy. She downed an 8 onuce bottle in 45 seconds as soon as we got back to the hotel and then ate half a bowl of congee at dinner. hildy just cuddled in silence... no food. We came back up to our room, Hildy drank another 2 ounces and then our guide Kathy showed me how her foster mom would have put her to bed. She wrapped her mid section with a thick blanket like a sausage roll, put another heavy blanket on top of her whole body, gave her a toy, turned out the light and that was that... She is still laying in her crib and playing silently with her toy as I type this... Not sure whether to pick her up and cuddle her (because it's all I can do not to...) or to let her fall asleep as she probably has for the past year...alone in her crib. We'll see how it goes... I am exhausted, stiff from the stress of the morning and absolutely, completely, head over heels in love. I am so glad we never gave up... today was worth every second of the wait and it was only our first day together... my heart is full.